The Chubby Vegan

Hello Friends and Happy New Year! Glad for a fresh start, January was welcomed warmly this year. I rang in 2011 with close friends and Michael Jackson and quite honestly have never felt better. Unable to come up with any attainable or reasonable resolutions I was pretty set on just skipping that tradition. That was, until my sweetie suggested something truly unholy and down right frightening to a devout carnivore: veganism. 

Yeah, I know you're only reading for the pictures.

What the whaaat? 

Lemme break it down for ya: no meat, no cheese, no dairy, no eggs, no animal byproducts of any kind; more specifically, no pizza, no cream cheese, no milk and sugar in my coffee, no ice cream, no c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e, no fun, no fat, all plants all day err day.

Why? Why the fuck would we do this? Well, aside from the unyielding desire to be "skinny bitches" as our bible delicately proclaims us, we also you know give a shit about baby chicks gettin' tossed in wood chippers and are pretty god damn worried about the environment since we want to have baby chicks of our own some day and would rather them not eat, breathe and shit smog.

And so here begins a new chapter of the blog tracking my one month experimental effort to be a vegan. Here's a little recap of the week so far:

Day One:
Grocery Shopping, purchased every soy product known to man, scurried up and down isles like frightened rabbit in unfamiliar territory, loaded eco-friendly reusable shopping bags too heavily and ripped several handles clean off, tried best to use vegan savvy terminology to mask obvious carnivorous lifestyle but fell short in front of insanely sexy Whole Foods cashier. Not exactly a fail of epic proportions but embarrassing per usual.

Day Two:
Breakfast- blueberry soy yogurt with strawberries, raspberries, and granola.
Lunch- tomato basil wraps with fake chicken patties, hummus, tabouli, and mixed greens.
Dinner- imitation turkey club, with soy bacon and tofurkey. salad with apples, avocados, onions, peppers, cucumbers, and mixed greens.
Snacks- blue corn chips with mango salsa, carrot sticks, apples.

Please note: that is not a small amount of food, in fact, it's way more than I normally eat when I'm filling up on carbohydrates and "decomposing animal parts." About midway through dinner Katie came to the startling realization we may be the only two vegans on planet earth whose asses double in size due to a healthy diet. Tell me, can a lard ass be composed of plant products only?

That's all for now kiddies but I'll keep you posted on my journey to becoming a down-right Skinny Bitch.